Morning light enters my room. A slight shift of atmosphere shows the dim cloud-like shine illuminate my view. I wake to feel my breath, my heartbeat… my mind. I am here again. I am this human. I am this person.
I go to reach for my phone and feel connected to the loud, busy world. The emails, the photos, the messages, the faces. The to-do lists begin to exist in my mind and I plan out what I need to do for the day. It takes me a while to rise. There’s a sluggish weight to my core. I push it aside into the dark corridors of my consciousness. I know you’re there, but I won’t yet face you today.
I slowly rise. Feet placed down on the floor. I get up. I wash up. I get dressed. I pick up my makeup brushes and apply color gently to my face. I yawn and I look outside. I see the tree in my yard. This special tree that echoes calmness to me. In moments, I revel in these brief escapes.
When I’m finished getting ready, I do my hair and then I need to remind myself to eat before the day gets busy. I eat. I walk back to the bedroom. I sit on my bed. Flooding in, are the dreams and the moments and the songs and the sadness. So now, I feel it. A reminder that I am forced to remember. You’re not here and I feel it. My tether. Someday, you will set my mind free and find me again.
“I am here again. I am this human. I am this person. I know you’re there, but I won’t yet face you today. In moments, I revel in these brief escapes Someday, you will set my mind free and find me again.”